Dummies [Pacifiers] & Toddler Sleep
How do I help my toddler sleep without a dummy?
As children grow, dummies can sometimes start to interfere with sleep rather than help it. This post explores when dummy use becomes problematic, how it can impact night waking, and gentle ways parents can support their child through change. Removing a dummy doesn’t have to be distressing.
Dummies and toddler/preschool sleep is something that concerns lots of parents. If your child still has a dummy, the chances are that they are very attached to it. Their dummy will mean a lot to them!
When they were little, the dummy was a useful comforter. It might have got them through some tough times, like reflux or colic.
As they get older though, it is not the best thing for them to still have a dummy. It can affect the position of their mouth, their teeth and their bite. If it affected just their baby teeth, it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but it can also affect their adult teeth.
Having a dummy can also delay their speech development.
When the time comes to say goodbye to the dummy, you can handle it in a loving and sensitive way.
It’s possible to make the experience a positive one for your child.
Dummy limits
Your first step towards getting rid of the dummy could be to limit it for just sleep.
Start a morning ritual where you both put their dummy in a safe place close to their bed so that they can find it when it is next time to sleep.
Don’t be surprised if at times during the day, if they are ever upset, they take themselves off to their bedroom to have a few sucks on their dummy!
This is allowed, so long as they don’t bring it back into the living room with them.
Once they have got used to not routinely having their dummy with them all the time, you might feel that the dummy situation is now reasonable and manageable. It is there to help them sleep but it is not being over used.
When they fall asleep, the dummy falls out. This means that the actual time that they have the dummy in is quite short. Because of this, it’s not so very likely to interfere with their dentition. If the dummy is used all day, it’s a different matter and their teeth can be affected.
Sometimes, if you take a much loved dummy away too early, it can lead to thumb sucking. Long term this can be more difficult to stop than dummy use.
Emotional aspects
There are a lot of advantages to waiting until your child is emotionally and cognitively ready to understand about no longer having a dummy.
Most children will reach this stage of readiness when they are about three or four years old. By this age, they will also have dropped or be be dropping their day time nap. So falling asleep at bed time, without the help of their dummy, will be a bit easier for them as they’ll be extra tired.
Try not to get rid of the dummy when you or they are going through any other major changes. It’s better to wait if they’re starting nursery, moving home, potty training, having a medical procedure etc.
New baby in the house
If you’re expecting a new baby and thinking about getting rid of your older child’s dummy, it is best to do it at least six weeks before the birth. This is just so that they can be completely over any dummy dependence and less likely to experience dummy envy if the new baby has one.
Or you can just relax about it and wait until the new baby has settled into the family and your child is used to the change.
You might even decide to drop your new baby’s and older one’s dummies at the same time. See my advice on dummies and baby sleep for help with this.
Prepare to say goodbye to the dummy
Ideally, wait until your child is old enough to understand. Then begin with a loving conversation and explanation.
Give them a bit of prior notice so that they can get used to the idea. You might want to say something like, “When we come back from holiday, we will give your dummies to the dummy fairy and get them swapped for something for you to cuddle!”
Then when it’s time, have a little ceremony where you collect all of the dummies and put them in a bag with a note for the dummy fairy [who is actually the tooth fairy’s cousin.] Leave the bag and note in a quiet place and then check later to find a little teddy or other toy in exchange for the dummies.
If you don’t like the idea of the dummy fairy, you can still swap the dummies for a toy.
Ditching the dummy
When you first put your child to bed without the dummy, do it at bed time rather than at nap time [if they’re still having one.]
In the evening, they are better placed to fall asleep. They have the advantage of sleep hormones and their familiar bed time routine to help them.
Be ready to support and encourage them, even if they usually fall asleep easily. If they struggle to settle, you can explain to them that sleep will come eventually. Tell them they are doing very well. Let them listen to a story tape if that helps, and it is fine to keep popping in to their bed room to let them know that you’re behind them. It’s really important to give them time and be very patient. Try not to stay in the room with them, or this could become a habit. Also, they are more likely to wake up in the night, looking for you if you were there when they first went to sleep.
In the morning, if they’ve slept without their dummy, you can reward them with some warm and specific praise. “You slept without your dummy!” “You did it!”
If you want to reinforce this praise further, you can use a reward chart or other system of collecting tokens. Collecting tokens or stars for a special toy or treat should give them the incentive to ditch the dummy.
Dummy case study - Charlotte, 4 years old
Charlotte was a happy child with advanced speech and language skills. She had had a dummy since she was a baby and she only used it for sleep.
She had a nine month old baby brother, Louis and each child had their own room. Louis also had a dummy for sleep. The family had a good bed time routine and Charlotte settled to sleep by herself at bed time. She slept through the night unless she was unwell. However, she needed her dummy to sleep.
Her parents felt that it was time for her to get rid of it now. She was growing up and soon she would start losing her baby teeth and growing her adult ones.
The solution
Charlotte’s parents were advised to explain in advance that she was soon going to learn how to sleep without her dummy. They were to tell her that when her brother was four years old, he would be giving his up as well. It was decided that a good time to get rid of the dummy was at the coming weekend. This was when the extended family were visiting, and Charlotte’s older cousin, Violet, who didn’t have a dummy any more would be coming too.
The plan
- Get hold of a simple story about giving up a dummy. I recommend ‘The last Noo – Noo,’ by Jill Murphy. Or you can create your own story , using family photos. Specialist companies can create a personalised book for you.
- Have this as her final bed time book for a few nights before you plan to give the dummy up.
- Explain to Charlotte that when Violet comes at the weekend, she will be able to tell her that she has given her dummy to the dummy fairy.
- The day before the family visit, help her to collect all of her dummies and put them in a bag. Check everywhere for dummies…….in mummy and daddy’s pockets! In the bottom of shopping bags! In the lego tin! In the sock drawer! etc.
At bedtime
- After tea, put the bag of dummies on the window sill and then start your bed time routine.
- When Charlotte has had her bath, ask her to go to the window sill and see if the dummy fairy has been.
- Let her find a soft, cuddly teddy or animal that she can have to help her go to sleep.
- Once in her room, you can sit together and she can cuddle her new toy as you read your bedtime books – finishing with the special dummy themed one.
- After this, kiss her goodnight and leave the room on a very positive note, “I’m going to come back to see how you’re getting on in a few minutes.” Leave the room with confidence and go out of her line of vision. Have the door slightly open.
- Return to her within a minute or two, whether she cries/calls you or not and praise her warmly if she has stayed in her bed.
- Leave again, and return to her every few minutes until she is asleep.
- If she struggles to sleep, you can reassure her that sleep will come, ask her to cuddle her toy and let her listen to a calm story tape on a very low volume.
- It is important that once you’ve made the decision to get rid of the dummy, you stick with it. It will help Charlotte if you listen to her feelings and are reassuring, calm and resolved about the dummy going.
During the night
- If she wakes during the night – no matter how many times before her usual start of 6.30am, and calls for you, you need to go to her or take her back to bed, and reassure her that she will soon be fine without her dummy.
- In the morning, you can warmly welcome her to the day and tell her how well she has done to sleep without her dummy!
- Let her tell the family about her achievement when they come to visit on the following day.
The Outcome
Unsurprisingly, Charlotte very quickly learned to sleep happily and without her dummy. She felt proud of her success and even told her little brother, Louis that when he was a big boy, he would swap his dummy for a teddy from the dummy fairy!
Take home
If you haven’t managed to get rid of the dummy in the early months, it can be tricky to do so in young toddlerhood.
Little ones might miss the dummy too much. They may not understand why it has gone and sometimes they even give up their naps prematurely because of it.
There’s a strong argument for keeping the dummy and regulating its use; having it just for nap times and bed time.
Then when they are old enough to reason with and to motivate, get rid of the dummy completely.
Further help
If you’re struggling with your child’s sleep either now or in the future, I am here to help you.
My Toddler Sleep Book
My bestselling book gives you the tools to help your toddler and yourself get a good night’s sleep. It is full of expert, practical advice and case studies. Written in a clear and accessible style.
My Settled Mornings Sleep Plan
Private Consultations
If you choose to book a one-to-one consultation with me, you will receive my expert, individual advice. You will be in very safe, experienced hands and I treat every parent and child with kindness. As a qualified health professional, I can help if your child or you have medical needs. I have helped over 15,000 families from all over the world to get a good night’s sleep.
See my reviews on Trustpilot