Co-Sleeping
When you’re ready to stop
Co-sleeping can be a beautiful, connected way to meet your baby’s needs — especially in the early months. But there often comes a point where you’re ready for more space, better sleep, and a bedtime that doesn’t involve going to bed when they do.
If you’re wondering:
- How do I stop co-sleeping without upsetting my baby?
- Will they feel rejected if I move them into their own sleep space?
- Can I do this gently, without leaving them to cry alone?
You’ll hopefully find some answers here.
This guide will walk you through how to transition away from co-sleeping in a calm, responsive and emotionally safe way, whether your baby is a few months old or well into toddlerhood.
Are you ready to stop co-sleeping?
Before you start, think about if you’re really ready to stop co-sleeping. There are lots of advantages to sharing a bed with your child of course, but some advantages of having your own sleep space are:
- More comfortable, uninterrupted sleep
- Space to roll over, stretch out and actually rest
- Fewer night feeds when your baby no longer needs them
- Time and intimacy with your partner
- A bedtime that allows you to relax in the evening
Wanting these things does not mean you’re rejecting your baby. It means you’ll both get the sleep you need and will love seeing each other in the morning!
Why co-sleeping can feel like It’s “working” (until it isn’t)
When you co-sleep, your baby often appears to sleep well — but this can be misleading.
Waking up between sleep cycles is normal and healthy but when little ones are used to being helped to fall asleep, they may need support again to resettle during the night. Often, that support is a feed or a cuddle – which is fine in the early weeks and months. But when they’re older, the frequent resettling can be exhausting for you, and might not be good for them either as they don’t learn how to join their sleep cycles. To put it simply – they just don’t know how to ‘do’ sleep!
Will my baby feel rejected if I stop co-sleeping?
This is one of the biggest fears parents have — and I want to reassure you:
Your baby will not feel rejected if you stay emotionally present while changing where they sleep.
Babies and children feel safe through connection, responsiveness and predictability, not through proximity alone.
You can move away from co-sleeping while staying loving, responsive and kind.
The 'golden rules' before you start
Before making any changes:
- Make sure your child or baby’s wake window is right. [See below]
- Avoid overtiredness or undertiredness.
- Follow a calm, familiar bedtime routine.
- Aim for your baby or child to fall asleep aware of where they are.
Finally – Beware of “drowsy but awake!”
You’ve read all the advice about putting your baby into the cot ‘drowsy but awake’ – but if your baby gets TOO drowsy in your arms or on their final feed, they can easily drift into light sleep. Then as soon as you are putting them down, they can wake up and take ages to resettle!
This is because their build of sleep pressure has been broken and even though they are tired, they are not able to sleep anymore. I’m sure that you are familiar with this false starts and endless rocking or feeding back to sleep. The answer is to put them into the cot after a calming wind-down time, whilst they are fully awake but relaxed.
How to Stop Co-Sleeping by Age
0-6 Months - Gentle separation whilst staying close
At this age, room-sharing is recommended. The Lullaby Trust advises that babies sleep in the same room as a parent until at least 6 months.
If you’re ready to transition your baby from the family bed to a cot:
- Place the cot at the foot of your bed if possible
- You’re still nearby, but less visually stimulating
Helping your baby settle in the cot
Try doing this first of all at their evening bedtime when they are at their most biologically able to sleep.
If your baby struggles when you put them down:
- Warm the cot (use a hot water bottle and remove it before placing baby down)
- Use movement — gently rock or jiggle the cot
Keep a soothing voice connection – This is your ‘super power!’ Maintain a soft but confident tone and repeat a soothing mantra, song or just some loving words. Your baby will hear the strength and reassurance in your voice.
- Try swaddling (if under 3 months and not rolling)
- Side before back — settle them on their side, if that works better for them, then roll them safely onto their back
- Don’t rush away — stay until they’re settled for at least 10 minutes
At first, give as much support as your baby asks for. Younger babies usually need help to sleep. Independence comes later.
When they wake up later, try settling them in the same way you did at bedtime. If you use the same movements and voice tone, they will recognise the sleep cues.
6–12 Months: Moving towards independent sleep
- Lower the cot base if your baby can stand.
- Move the cot slightly further from your bed if room-sharing.
- If appropriate, consider moving them into their own room.
A new environment can actually help babies accept new sleep patterns more easily.
Putting them down awake
Place your baby into the cot fully awake after their routine.
If they’re calm or mildly grumbling:
- Observe from the doorway or monitor
- Fussing, moving and shouting can be normal. Give them time and don’t intervene unless they really need it.
If they cry, respond warmly. Don’t avoid voice contact, as this can be alarming for them!
How to soothe without leaving them alone
- Use hands-on soothing in the cot.
- Slow, rhythmic patting or stroking.
- A calm, repeated sleepy phrase, mantra or song.
- Keep your singing and patting tempo slower than a resting heartbeat
If crying escalates:
- Pick them up every 1–2 minutes.
- Calm them in your arms.
- Place them back down when you can and continue soothing.
- Try not to feed again unless you think they’re hungry.
This is not “giving in” — it’s teaching safety.
12 + Months - Older Babies Who Can Stand
Standing is actually helpful.
- Kneel beside the cot and cuddle them while they’re standing
- Stay at their level, cheek to cheek
- Avoid taking them out of the cot if possible
- Lie them down every 2 minutes, but don’t hold them down. Allow them to stand up again and cuddle them for another few minutes.
- If they push you away, sit back on your heels and try just gently patting the cot mattress instead of patting your child.
- If they thrash around the cot, use your arms as a soft barrier to prevent them hurting themselves.
Stay calm and repeat:
“It’s time for sleep now,” “It’s ok, I’m here,” “You’re safe, I love you,” or any similar, loving statement of your own.
Remain beside them until they fall asleep fully.
If your baby has a floor bed
- Lie beside them but try not to feed or rock to sleep.
- Use your touch, voice and presence.
- Gently return them every 2 minutes if they wander.
- Gradually reduce touch and voice as they settle.
Stay until they are properly asleep
Whether your baby is in a cot or a floor bed, this part is important.
Leaving too early can:
- Break sleep pressure
- Lead to more distress
- Make resettling harder later
When your baby goes to sleep after a period of crying, they are not “giving up” or being abandoned — they’re learning through experience.
What happens next: gradual withdrawal
Once bedtime is more settled (usually after 2–3 nights):
- Reduce patting
- Rest your hand instead
- Fade your voice
- Move from cot-side → chair → doorway → outside the room
This can take a few weeks or months.
If your baby has responded well to their own sleep space and you’d like independent sleep to happen more quickly, you can try the Responsive Rapid Return Method in my Settled sleep plan.
The Takeaway
With the right timing, support and expectations:
- Your baby learns that sleep is safe
- You get your evenings and rest back
- Your relationship with your partner has space again
- Everyone sleeps better
Gentle, responsive change builds confidence and improves sleep for everyone.
Further help
If you’re struggling with your child or baby’s sleep either now or in the future, I am here to help you.
My books
My bestselling books give you the tools to help your baby and yourself get the rest you need.
They are full of expert, practical advice and case studies. Each book teaches you to create your baby or child’s personal sleep plan and is written in a clear and accessible style.
They are available in all formats from Amazon and other booksellers.
My self guided sleep plans
Expert help that you can access immediately, the sleep plans will transform your child’s [and your] sleep.
Whether want a clear structure and fast progress, or to make gradual changes over time, these plans support both approaches.
After following the sleep plans, there is the opportunity to purchase a follow up consultation if you need it.
My sleep plans are a mix of video, graphics and easy-to-read text. They are a great way to access my expert help – from your phone, tablet or laptop. They have no expiry date and are updated frequently. The Settled sleep plan is very comprehensive, easy to dip in and out of and is very empowering.
The Settled Mornings plan is concise and accessible – it takes around an hour to complete and it may be the best hour you’ve ever spent!
Both of the plans contain helpful schedules for day and night time sleep.
My private consultations
If you choose to book a private consultation with me, you will receive my expert individual advice as well as other resources and ongoing advice depending on the package you choose.
You will be in very safe, experienced hands and I treat every parent and child with kindness.
As a qualified health professional, I can help if your baby or you have medical needs. I have helped over 15,000 families from all over the world to get a good night’s sleep.
You can see my reviews on Trustpilot.
